I am a 44 yo male living in Arizona and I am challenged with the burden of living with Bipolar Disorder coupled with hypersexuality.

Things you should know before you follow me

I claim no ownership to any of the pictures shown on this blog, they are merely pictures I've found around the internet that express me. If you find one that is owned by you and you want me to remove it, please just ask. I respect your intellectual property and I ask that you also respect mine.

I track the tag #mybipolarlifeaz so if you want me to see a post, tag it with #mybipolarlifeaz

My bipolar life, adventures, exploits and shame

21st April 2014

Post

Many triggers not effecting me

I am sorry I have not posted in so long.  I am posting this very long post in order to catch you all up.

I found out in February that I would be unemployed in June.  I started immediately searching for a new job.  I was busy applying for jobs, doing interviews and still working. It was tuff and stressful.  I was being triggered by many things and I was very hypomanic, hypersexual and struggling with all of that.

One of the major things was that I had applied for over 45 jobs and had not had a single interview.  I was worried I was doing something wrong.  Then suddenly I had 6 interviews  in one week.

Out of those interviews I got called back to two for a second interview.  Both of those went well and they both dragged on and took a while to get back to me.

I got an offer from one and put it on hold for a few days waiting to hear back from the other.  The other paid $20k more and had other benefits that were good.  I never heard back from them so I accepted the first offer.

Two days later I received an offer from the first place.  I turned it down because I am a man of integrity and I didn’t want to burn any bridges in case something happened to my first offer.

All of these issues were included in all the triggers I was dealing with.


Then my 2 week notice to my former employer also caused some issues.  I got all caught up on all my work and I asked to be let go a week earlier, and start my new job a week earlier.  It all worked out but it was crazy.

I was not sleeping well, I was tired, up all night, manic, irritable and just plain frustrated.

Then I started my new job.  Wow things got better.  I used to drive 7 miles to work, now I drive 35. The one hour commute on top of the 8 hours of work, is draining.  I don’t mind the commute.  I get to listen to my music, relax and drive.  I can also use it to get my quiet time.

With all the driving, quiet time, long shifts and all the other stuff, I have been sleeping very well and have not had many episodes of hypomania, hypersexuality or mixed episodes.  I have been slightly hypomanic the last 4 days but nothing to be worried about.

My meds have all been the same as they have been for the last 6 months.  Things are good.

My new job is awesome.  I do I.T. network Security, specializing in Patch Management.  I am actually a Patch Management Engineer.  A lot to learn and my head was spinning for the first week and a half trying to get the layout of all the networks we manage. My employer manages over 1,100 networks and I am responsible for Patch Management on 110 of those. Myself and one other make up our Vulnerability Management Team, he assesses the Vulnerabilities and I apply the patches to resolve them.

Now that things are slowing down a little and I have more time, I will try and post more.

Tagged: new jobbipolartriggershypomaniahypersexualitytrigger managmentstress

6th April 2014

Post with 1 note

Another year older?

So I am now another year older. Funny, I don’t feel older.

I am thankful for my family.  My best bday present is my new job that starts tomorrow.

Tagged: birthdaymy birthdaynew jobmybipolarlifeazme

3rd April 2014

Post with 1 note

Last day

Yesterday was my last day at work.  it was hard, it was rough.

Technically I am now unemployed, even though I start a new job on Monday

Tagged: unemployedrough daybipolar

27th March 2014

Post

Birthday

My birthday is coming up.  What am I getting? Well, a new job for one.  But I am also leaving my old job.

What do i want? Happiness.

Tagged: birthdayhappinessBiploarmeanother day older

27th March 2014

Post

your heart

Your heart beats about 100,000 times in one day and about 35 million times in a year. During an average lifetime, the human heart will beat more than 2.5 billion times. Give a tennis ball a good, hard squeeze. You’re using about the same amount of force your heart uses to pump blood out to the body.

If this is true, my heart has beat more than 1,575,000,000 (1.5 billion) + or - times.

My heart has beat 227,500,000 times since I met my wife, all for her. :-)

Source: PBS Amazing Heart Facts

Tagged: heartheart factsPBS

27th March 2014

Post

Update

I have been sleeping pretty well the last few weeks.  I think it is the stress.

Tonight I woke up because I was hot.  Now I can’t get back to sleep.

I am excited about starting a new job in two weeks but I am also saddened about leaving people I care about behind at my old job.

A lot of changes in my life recently.  That is always stressful, for anyone, and triggering to me

I have not had much time to post here, I will try and post more now that I have more time.

Tagged: bipolarmesleephypomaniastress

25th March 2014

Post

End of stress?

Accepting a job today.  Hopefully that will elevate some of my stress

Tagged: stressbipolar

24th March 2014

Post

Hypomania, Stress and sleep

For years when Ia m hypomanic I don’t sleep very much or very well.  I can think of weeks on end that I got 2 hours sleep every night just about.

The last month or so I have been under a lot of stress, except for the weekend my wife and I spent in Las Vegas.  This is all caused by me being laid off and seeking another job before I am unemployed.  Well, that stress has been very apparent.

The stress and anxiety have all been triggers that has me hypomanic.  However, I think the stress has been taking it’s toll and I have been sleeping pretty well.  I have slept well almost every night the last 3 weeks.  My hypersexuality has been pretty mild over the last 3 weeks as well.

I received a job offer from my second choice job on Friday. I have them holding until tomorrow because my first choice job is supposed to get back to me today or tomorrow.  I have decided that if I don’t hear from them by 1 pm tomorrow, I will accept my second choice job.

Don’t get me wrong, the second choice is a very good job, great employer and is well within what I was looking for in a job.  The only reason the other job is my first choice is because it will continue my current retirement and once retired, it is a lifetime payment, not a payment that will end when my investment runs out.

The stress and anxiety should fade today and then end by tomorrow. I will actually be excited to start a new job.  Commuting will be ok as well, gives me my quiet time.

Tagged: stressanxietynew jobsleepsleeplessbipolarhypomaniahypersexuality

21st March 2014

Post with 1 note

Offer

I received a job offer today.  It has allowed me to reduce my anxiety.  I am waiting to hear back on my first choice.  It pays better and has a benefit I can’t get from the offer today.

This is tuff

Tagged: Biploaranxietyjob offer

20th March 2014

Post

Killer leprechauns and rabbits? WTF?

I don’t take Xanax very often, maybe once every couple of months.  The whole job thing and the crazy ass interview I had the other day that drove me into a major mania, cause so much anxiety I had to go home from work early.  I was freaking out when I got home. I took a xanax, had a sandwich and before I finished I was feeling a little tired and loopy.

I decided to lay down and take a nap.  Usually I go to bed around 11 pm. Most of the time I can’t get to sleep till 1 or 2.  Yesterday after I took the xanax, I went to sleep around 3:30 pm.  My wife got home around 5:15 and claims she tried to wake me up.  I woke around 10 pm when she came to bed.  I was up for about an hour, had a bite to eat and went back to bed.

Today she told me that when she tried to wake me up at 5:15 I started yelling that someone was trying to kill me.  When she asked who was trying to kill me she told me I said “the leprechaun in the corner!”  then she told me I said “And there is a killer rabbit there too!”

I think it is all BS and her and the kids made it all up.  Why would I think a leprechaun and rabbit are trying to kill me?

Tagged: bipolarhypomaniamaniaanxietyXanaxleprechaunsrabbitskiller rabbitkiller leprechaunsdreamsleepWTF?