I am a 44 yo male living in Arizona and I am challenged with the burden of living with Bipolar Disorder coupled with hypersexuality.

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My bipolar life, adventures, exploits and shame

6th April 2014

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Another year older?

So I am now another year older. Funny, I don’t feel older.

I am thankful for my family.  My best bday present is my new job that starts tomorrow.

Tagged: birthdaymy birthdaynew jobmybipolarlifeazme

3rd April 2014

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Last day

Yesterday was my last day at work.  it was hard, it was rough.

Technically I am now unemployed, even though I start a new job on Monday

Tagged: unemployedrough daybipolar

27th March 2014

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Birthday

My birthday is coming up.  What am I getting? Well, a new job for one.  But I am also leaving my old job.

What do i want? Happiness.

Tagged: birthdayhappinessBiploarmeanother day older

27th March 2014

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your heart

Your heart beats about 100,000 times in one day and about 35 million times in a year. During an average lifetime, the human heart will beat more than 2.5 billion times. Give a tennis ball a good, hard squeeze. You’re using about the same amount of force your heart uses to pump blood out to the body.

If this is true, my heart has beat more than 1,575,000,000 (1.5 billion) + or - times.

My heart has beat 227,500,000 times since I met my wife, all for her. :-)

Source: PBS Amazing Heart Facts

Tagged: heartheart factsPBS

27th March 2014

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Update

I have been sleeping pretty well the last few weeks.  I think it is the stress.

Tonight I woke up because I was hot.  Now I can’t get back to sleep.

I am excited about starting a new job in two weeks but I am also saddened about leaving people I care about behind at my old job.

A lot of changes in my life recently.  That is always stressful, for anyone, and triggering to me

I have not had much time to post here, I will try and post more now that I have more time.

Tagged: bipolarmesleephypomaniastress

25th March 2014

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End of stress?

Accepting a job today.  Hopefully that will elevate some of my stress

Tagged: stressbipolar

24th March 2014

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Hypomania, Stress and sleep

For years when Ia m hypomanic I don’t sleep very much or very well.  I can think of weeks on end that I got 2 hours sleep every night just about.

The last month or so I have been under a lot of stress, except for the weekend my wife and I spent in Las Vegas.  This is all caused by me being laid off and seeking another job before I am unemployed.  Well, that stress has been very apparent.

The stress and anxiety have all been triggers that has me hypomanic.  However, I think the stress has been taking it’s toll and I have been sleeping pretty well.  I have slept well almost every night the last 3 weeks.  My hypersexuality has been pretty mild over the last 3 weeks as well.

I received a job offer from my second choice job on Friday. I have them holding until tomorrow because my first choice job is supposed to get back to me today or tomorrow.  I have decided that if I don’t hear from them by 1 pm tomorrow, I will accept my second choice job.

Don’t get me wrong, the second choice is a very good job, great employer and is well within what I was looking for in a job.  The only reason the other job is my first choice is because it will continue my current retirement and once retired, it is a lifetime payment, not a payment that will end when my investment runs out.

The stress and anxiety should fade today and then end by tomorrow. I will actually be excited to start a new job.  Commuting will be ok as well, gives me my quiet time.

Tagged: stressanxietynew jobsleepsleeplessbipolarhypomaniahypersexuality

21st March 2014

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Offer

I received a job offer today.  It has allowed me to reduce my anxiety.  I am waiting to hear back on my first choice.  It pays better and has a benefit I can’t get from the offer today.

This is tuff

Tagged: Biploaranxietyjob offer

20th March 2014

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Killer leprechauns and rabbits? WTF?

I don’t take Xanax very often, maybe once every couple of months.  The whole job thing and the crazy ass interview I had the other day that drove me into a major mania, cause so much anxiety I had to go home from work early.  I was freaking out when I got home. I took a xanax, had a sandwich and before I finished I was feeling a little tired and loopy.

I decided to lay down and take a nap.  Usually I go to bed around 11 pm. Most of the time I can’t get to sleep till 1 or 2.  Yesterday after I took the xanax, I went to sleep around 3:30 pm.  My wife got home around 5:15 and claims she tried to wake me up.  I woke around 10 pm when she came to bed.  I was up for about an hour, had a bite to eat and went back to bed.

Today she told me that when she tried to wake me up at 5:15 I started yelling that someone was trying to kill me.  When she asked who was trying to kill me she told me I said “the leprechaun in the corner!”  then she told me I said “And there is a killer rabbit there too!”

I think it is all BS and her and the kids made it all up.  Why would I think a leprechaun and rabbit are trying to kill me?

Tagged: bipolarhypomaniamaniaanxietyXanaxleprechaunsrabbitskiller rabbitkiller leprechaunsdreamsleepWTF?

19th March 2014

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off the charts

My stress levels have been off the charts.  With job interviews and such, it has been very difficult to manage my triggers.

I had one of the most difficult job interviews yesterday.  It was a “second interview” and I was told it was just social to see if I connect with other staff.  However, it was not, it turned out to be the most stressful interview I have ever had.  I was blindsided with procedural questions outside of my knowledge area.  In the end I feel like a pulled out a win, I was getting some head shakes (yes) from observers, but I did not feel good about the interview overall.

However, once I left, I got to thinking that maybe this was a stress test.  A test to see how I manage under pressure.  If this is the case, I think I did well.  I held my composure and I answered the questions to the best of my ability.

When I called the recruiter, he said he also felt like it was a stress test.

This is the job I really want.  It will allow me to continue my retirement with the same retirement system I am in now, one in which I am fully vested.  As well as, this job pays very very well, over $80k with the potential to advance and earn over $110k

Tagged: stressbipolarmaniahypomaniahypersexualityanxietyjob huntingjob interviewstriggers